who said a crack addiction was a bad thing?

I have a real problem. I mean REAL.. I have money problems. I just don't know how to right my wrongs. Ok, due to being unable to pay for my cell phone anymore (unemployment had taken way too long) my number for 3 years dissapeared and was more than likely reissued (bastards!) Me taking this as a sign that sprint should not be my carrier anymore anyways (I really did want a new service) I decide to "dick around" with other carriers. Since my credit is shot, I figured it would be hilarious to check out how much my deposits would be. So, wanting the Iphone probably the most, I try ATT..
Wow, ATT deminished any hope I had..After painstakingly (ok maybe that is a slight overexaggeration) filling out those online applications; ATT approved me for a GOPHONE.. REALLY?? who gets approved for a prepaid cell phone service?? I thought it was a guarantee.. A sure thing (like taking a skank to the prom in hopes of getting laid after...DUH!). I cant believe they are acting like they hooked me up. Like.. Here.. since u arent cool enough to get a REAL service with us, we will carpe launch you to our lovely PREPAID service.. Who does that? Dont they know I was a LOYAL customer of sprint the NOW NETWORK.. lol seriously.. how fuct up was that?
To my very best luck, I am on the phone with Phillip when I am conducting "research".. After a few failed attempts on my obviously fuct up credit, Phill feeling bad for me says, "why not try in my name?" I am a little taken aback by this. Wow.. he is in an exceptionally good mood today.. hmm.. So I say why not? for shits and giggles, let us see how much a deposit be for my bestie.. Knowing I dont have enough money on my UNEMPLOYMENT debit card.. ( I will next week though), I decide to just see what the damage would be. Never once when I was doing this had I thought it would actually go through so easily. So I pick out my Iphone, I pick the plan I want, and I click continue... I really was expecting a "sorry we cant approve you..blah blah" instead.. I get a confirmation on my order, and a thank you for choosing ATT.. Bastards.
I overdrew my unemployment. I for one did not think you could. But apparently you can. I am now 223 bucks overdrawn, which wednesday will be taking care of that, and I will spend one week almost broke, and my sister will understand when her rent is also a week late. The price we pay for our toys. I am for one grateful that phill let me use his credit to get me a phone, and that I do have unemployment to pay for my new phone. But deep down inside.. I know there is something wrong with me. haha..
Who does that? Who spends money on bullshit and is truly happy with it, even if I have absolutely no reason to have it.. I mean, did I really need to spend like 50 bucks on candles when I dont even burn them, I just like looking at them, and thinking of the most prescious moment I will burn them for.. Crazy. I spend money on my dog like I have a slight crack addiction. Bullshit is my crack though. Buying bullshit I should say. Cause you could bullshit me to death, and I would probably laugh my ass off.. But if you show me bullshit, I WILL BUY IT!!!! DAMMIT!!!
I am not having shoppers remorse.. Cause when my phone comes in either today or monday, I am gonna be like a crack addict, playing with that shiny new pipe he got, my phone calls will be like hits of crack.. I will be smoking and holding in. (I dont know if crack heads actually hold in the smoke.. i know pot heads do.. and I dont know why i even compared the 2..) but the phone is the pipe.. and any little play I do on my phone will be my hits of crack. I am extremely disturbed to even refer to my shopping habits like crack heads.. but it is now 805am on a saturday morning.. Whatever bitches! haha.. one day, i shall learn..

Here we go again.. again

Morning guys.. So yeah, I got to sleep in just a little longer than usual today. 830. WOOO HOOO.. However I did get woken up by the landscapers at like 7, but I ignored and went back to sleep. Which all by itself was a feat for me. But I do remember laying there like "I know they arent doing this today" But oh well. I am well rested (compared to yesterday).
I bought new bed things. I went pink. I love pink, and I needed an energy color to liven up the flow. I was with brown before, and well Things were ok, but not GREAT. Wow, unemployment really changed my outlook. I am extremely focused, and positive. I love the feel. Being broke just has this lasting effect over you, that no matter what you do or where you go you always have this yuck feeling about you. I did my splurge, however I may in 2 weeks or so purchase a nintendo Wii. i wanna play..hehe
So, I heard from Brandon. Yes, I still dont know how to reply. I am going to post his reply to me. I sent him on myspace, a short note that basically said, I dont know what I did, but it was pretty shitty of you to have just left me hanging. And too bad cause I really did like you, blah blah blah. But yea.. Here is his response:

whoa whoa whoa, sorry if i come wrong, but i have to be honest, u did nothing wrong, it's me. i tried to beat around the bush, but i have to show it. i never ignored you in a bad sense, i'm a LONE WOLF, A LONER, I STAND ALONE! I disappear from time to time for the hell of it. i can't help it. it's all i know. maybe if you read between the lines you could understand that. i hella hella like you, but i know this is a dealbreaker. I lay in my own world and think to myself. also, i have some sh*ton my mind that hopefully we could talk about later.

love always
xoxoxo
Brandon.


ok.. So he did tell me that a while back that he is a loner. He is used to dealing with everything alone, and he usually doesnt have someone that wants to be with him through life's obstacles. but I figured with how we were getting along, that he enjoyed my company. I was also thinking that maybe we were moving at a faster pace than he could handle, and he withdrew himself? I dont know, but I did hear from him. I am still leaving it up in the air, cause I cant forget the fact that he ditched me on valentines day. But like earlier comments said "make him pay for it" and I am. I will slowly let him back, but then again I feel that I may always fault him for this. We shall see about that situation.
I have some homework I gotta get done, so I may or may not be posting again today. I promise im not trying to flake out on you. xoxox

up too early

i hate being up too early. What exactly is too early? Is it something to do with age? cause I can remember 5 years ago when i was 22, I could sleep in for HOURS. Now that i am nearing 30, I have it set. 7 1/2 hours pretty much everyday. Any less, I get migraines; any more, i get i dont know, but i am almost positive its not good.
So what do you do? do you lay in bed trying to get that last little bit of sleep you are seeking. Or were you woken up by the infamous "morning pee. " Which is my reason for being up. After that waking experience, I found it so hard to fall back asleep. So here goes me, up.
So yesterday was my first blog. I wasnt sure what to do with it, what could become of it. Still I am not too sure, but I figure lets stick it out a little while.
I realized I love sunrises. I dont get to see them that often. But they are moving. Maybe I am getting sentimental this early morning. I am thinking of going to Mcdonalds to partake in the egg mcmuffin consuming thing. Cause nornally I am not up early enough to ever make the breakfasts.
Today isn't like even... lol i dont know where i was goin with that one.. sorry guys
And I am not even quite sure where I will be going with all these blogs. Like my headline says. Life how i see it, or live it.. or whatever.. so that means.. whatever i feel like typing.. its goin up.. but i would love any and all feedback.. if something was funny or something related to you let me know. Cause i think thats what i want with this.. i want to know that there are others who are experiencing some things i go through, or have, or know others who do... Cause life is crazy. it is what we make it.
so with that being said.. i am going to see what i can make of today.. have a great day peoples..