I am not the governments redheaded stepchild

No sir-ree.... I am not.. After many years of getting the taxes raped out of me painstakingly from EVERY check.. I am not the governments' bitch anymore.. What a relief. My anal muscles (sphincter) can relax and just chill..
I was way stoked to find out about my unemployment.. But, just newly arrived in the mail today was my first education benefit check. I get a monthly amount because my daddy-o served in the good ol Vietnam war and literally busted his back for whatever that shit was for.. Alls I know is Pops made it so I can get paid to learn.. How you like that?
I totally made up for the money I spent on the Iphone.. Which by the way hasnt come yet. I dont know if saturdays are considered a "business" day.. but since i consider every single day a day off.. I think saturday should be a "business" day. I want my freekin phone PEOPLE!!.. So I am no longer late on rent. As a matter of fact, I am early. WooooHOOOOO!!!
Damn, it is so sad that I get so happy about money. But it really was coincidence that I even had a check there. For I was just on the VA website trying to figure out 1) how much I am getting (by the way, it is 200 summin less than i thought..but whatever) and 2) how long would it be till i saw that little liberty statue check in the mail??? So I am a little lost as to where I am going to find this out, so I call my mom, she has dealt with VA before.. she told me.. "well.. if you needed to do something, or you were getting something.. you would have heard from them by now, you have been in school for about 3 weeks" .. enough said.. I knew what I needed to do now.. take my fat ass to the mail room and check that shit!!
Exactly what I did.. I saw the letter from VA.. i started getting goose bumps.. like whoa.. Mom just told me I would have heard from them by now.. I decide not to read it yet, get the rest of the mail out of the box.. Remember.. after all you did try to see if your Iphone was here first off.. So, i grab the rest of the mail.. And I am just sifting through it.. I really didnt care, I was really looking for something about my Iphone.. And then I see it.. A government check envelope.. Thinking there is some kinda mistake or something.. I see my name on the check.. This just happened and I just thought it up. IT was a little bazaar.. But whatever.. I am now, unemployed and make more than I did while I was working. Now that is what I call bazaar.. Now, I get to ponder what I am going to buy with my next unemployment check (after my negative balance is wiped out).. Is unemployment the new young persons retirement? I will so work till I am 80 if this is. Give me a few year retirement here, I will work with my walker.. Swear I will